The pic on the left is me at uni, wearing a top I loved! I cropped my friend out of the picture but I literally look 3 times the size of her! The pic on the right is me last November wearing a size 16 dress. I'm lighter now than I was then. Yay!
Tuesday, 6 March 2012
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Anniversary
Oooh Oooh! I just realised, today is (to the day!) my 2nd year anniversary of joining weightwatchers. I am now 14st 2.5lbs. 2 Years ago I weighed nearly 20st. All together I have lost 5st 7.5lbs and although I've still a few stone to go I'm so proud of myself. I do feel embarrassed for boasting but I can't help it. Someone get me a chufty-badge!
Realisations
Weigh-in on Monday showed a 4lb loss. Finally! So the exercise was worth it. What's even better is that I FEEL slimmer and healthier. I'm starting to feel almost normal wheras I used to feel like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I remember having to be super careful walking through crowds in pubs/clubs in case I knocked some poor skinny flying. I also remember the name calling, the 'fat bitch' as I walked past groups of people in clubs when I was at uni, the 'get out the way you fat cow' when a white van man went through a red light causing him to nearly squash me.
I'm so glad that I'm sorting myself out whilst I'm still young however I can't help having some regrets. Particularly about my time at college and uni. I got called a lot of names while I was at uni. In the street randomly and more often, on nights out. I always knew that (rationally thinking) the name callers were the ones with the biggest problem but it didn't stop me disappearing from my friends regularly and going to have cries in the toilets, just thinking back to that time makes me so sad. I was so big, so unconfident and so uncomfortable in myself.
I've been thinking a lot about why I am big and why I see food the way I do. From a very young age I stole food. I remember eating a block of cooking chocolate under mum and dad's bed when I was really little. I remember stealing mints from a jar in my Grandma's kitchen and eating a big chocolate bar in secret sat on the floor in Grandma's house. I got away with it for a long time without anyone noticing however I do remember getting a smack when mum found out I'd taken a feast ice-lolly from the freezer and I remember stealing a chocolate biscuit and mum noticing. She was angry for a whole day and I remember feeling so anxious about it all day at school. Thinking back I think mum always reacted so strongly to me doing this as she saw her habits coming out in me. She used to play lots of games on the PC and I'd walk through the room and catch her eating, we'd never acknowledge it and I don't know if she thought I just hadn't noticed or whether she just didn't want to talk about it. It used to really upset me that she'd do this because she was always quite overweight and I used to be really scared for her health.
I'm a binge eater and an emotional eater, it really feels like an addiction sometimes but I believe all addictions can be overcome if the will is there. For me the will is there now. I want to be happy and healthy. I want to have children (not yet!) and don't want to put lots of weight on when pregnant. I want to be a slim healthy mum and a wife to be proud of (yes I know I'm not married/engaged!) ha. I want to be a good role model to my children and not continue to pass on the very unhelpful coping skill me and my mum seem to rely on.
I'll get there, it'll be worth it. I don't want any more regrets!
I'm so glad that I'm sorting myself out whilst I'm still young however I can't help having some regrets. Particularly about my time at college and uni. I got called a lot of names while I was at uni. In the street randomly and more often, on nights out. I always knew that (rationally thinking) the name callers were the ones with the biggest problem but it didn't stop me disappearing from my friends regularly and going to have cries in the toilets, just thinking back to that time makes me so sad. I was so big, so unconfident and so uncomfortable in myself.
I've been thinking a lot about why I am big and why I see food the way I do. From a very young age I stole food. I remember eating a block of cooking chocolate under mum and dad's bed when I was really little. I remember stealing mints from a jar in my Grandma's kitchen and eating a big chocolate bar in secret sat on the floor in Grandma's house. I got away with it for a long time without anyone noticing however I do remember getting a smack when mum found out I'd taken a feast ice-lolly from the freezer and I remember stealing a chocolate biscuit and mum noticing. She was angry for a whole day and I remember feeling so anxious about it all day at school. Thinking back I think mum always reacted so strongly to me doing this as she saw her habits coming out in me. She used to play lots of games on the PC and I'd walk through the room and catch her eating, we'd never acknowledge it and I don't know if she thought I just hadn't noticed or whether she just didn't want to talk about it. It used to really upset me that she'd do this because she was always quite overweight and I used to be really scared for her health.
I'm a binge eater and an emotional eater, it really feels like an addiction sometimes but I believe all addictions can be overcome if the will is there. For me the will is there now. I want to be happy and healthy. I want to have children (not yet!) and don't want to put lots of weight on when pregnant. I want to be a slim healthy mum and a wife to be proud of (yes I know I'm not married/engaged!) ha. I want to be a good role model to my children and not continue to pass on the very unhelpful coping skill me and my mum seem to rely on.
I'll get there, it'll be worth it. I don't want any more regrets!
Thursday, 23 February 2012
So I'm in my 8th week of being on plan and so far I've lost 12.5lbs, a bit disappointed as would have hoped to have lost more by now but hey ho. I've stayed the same for two weeks in a row and am hoping this is the week it will start to shift again.
Two weeks ago I got back to exercising. I weigh about the same now that I did late last year when I was really hammering the exercise but oh my lord, its amazing how much my stamina and fitness levels had slipped. I'm hoping the stay the same results have been because of the exercise and toning as a result. I feel slimmer and people are commenting that I look 'trim' so I'm sure it will appear on the scales soon enough :)
Overall now I've lost 5st 3.5lbs since March 1st 2010. They say slow and steady wins the race and I'm confident thats true. With about 4st still to lost I feel in a way that I'm on the home stretch however I do tend to have real wobbles where I get really scared and I think that might be because I don't know what I'm aiming for. My official WW goal weight is 10st 5lbs but I can't see myself being that slim. I probably weighed that much when I was 10.
I've had some blips where I've maintained for a while, or gained but am determined to continue. I feel like I might self-sabotage because I'm scared. Most people have been slim and so know what they're aiming for. They have an 'ideal me' picture they can look at for motivation. Being slim is really scary to me because I've never been there.
BMI doesn't mean a lot to me and so in reality I'm aiming for 12st, I feel at that weight I'd still be squishy, curvy and womanly but would just be a lot more healthy. So I suppose that means I actually have only 2st 6.5lbs to lost. Bring it on!
Two weeks ago I got back to exercising. I weigh about the same now that I did late last year when I was really hammering the exercise but oh my lord, its amazing how much my stamina and fitness levels had slipped. I'm hoping the stay the same results have been because of the exercise and toning as a result. I feel slimmer and people are commenting that I look 'trim' so I'm sure it will appear on the scales soon enough :)
Overall now I've lost 5st 3.5lbs since March 1st 2010. They say slow and steady wins the race and I'm confident thats true. With about 4st still to lost I feel in a way that I'm on the home stretch however I do tend to have real wobbles where I get really scared and I think that might be because I don't know what I'm aiming for. My official WW goal weight is 10st 5lbs but I can't see myself being that slim. I probably weighed that much when I was 10.
I've had some blips where I've maintained for a while, or gained but am determined to continue. I feel like I might self-sabotage because I'm scared. Most people have been slim and so know what they're aiming for. They have an 'ideal me' picture they can look at for motivation. Being slim is really scary to me because I've never been there.
BMI doesn't mean a lot to me and so in reality I'm aiming for 12st, I feel at that weight I'd still be squishy, curvy and womanly but would just be a lot more healthy. So I suppose that means I actually have only 2st 6.5lbs to lost. Bring it on!
Sunday, 1 January 2012
Bad Blogger
I've been such a bad blogger, no post for well over a year! What a year its been! I did meet my goal of being a 14-16 however I've spent a few weeks on the see-food diet and now as a result my size 16 jeans don't fit anymore.
Predictably I'm thinking new year, new start and have signed up for a monthly pass having not been to a meeting for about 18 months. I need a kick up the proverbial, and if that means shelling out 20squid a month so be it!
Its been a strange old year, my little brother got married and I was a bridesmaid. Amazing! Also my best friend got married which was beautiful. I seem to have reached that age where people start really becoming grown-ups. I turned 26 a couple of weeks ago and still haven't quite come to terms with it.
I spent most of 2011 in a pretty awful relationship. Looking back I wonder why but I'm quite philosophical and hold no grudges. He was pretty damaged and that led to a not very happy time for us both. I tried my best, ended up getting sucked into this weird, emotionally draining situation where I got lashed out at quite a lot. It was an experience not to be repeated, and one I'll never forget. Its weird how when you're in a bad situation you do what you can to struggle by, making excuses for things. Its only when it ended and I really talked to people about the ins and outs that I thought 'what the hell were you doing!?'
2012 is looking set to be a good one, however there are some question-marks over my job which is a worry. I'm in a new relationship now though and its all good. No messiness, no aggressiveness and now at the grand old age of 26 I feel I'm in a grown-up thing, its not even scary!
So I have a few new-years resolutions...
Learn to drive
Get stuck back into weightwatchers and ideally reach goal by Christmas
Read more (I got a Kindle for my Birthday)
Pay off my credit card
Get back into my crafty things
Blog blog blog
Monday, 25 October 2010
Naughty Weightwatcher!
I have been a truly terrible weightwatcher recently and have only lost 9lbs since July. Weighed myself at Boots on Saturday and am 15st 9lbs I'm waiting until next wednesday then joining a meeting in my new home - Leeds! I've been so terrible with my binging recently I've found myself eating things I dont even particularly like just because its there and I feel like eating.
I've been so chaotic with my food I'm actually looking forward to the structure and organisation weightwatchers forces me into and I'm hoping I can be a sexy size 14/16 by Christmas! At the moment I'm a size 17 - 16 is too small, 18 is baggy...nightmare.
Its nice and comforting to see some old friendly faces still about.
Hope others are faring better than me!
I will update soon!
Catherine xx
I've been so chaotic with my food I'm actually looking forward to the structure and organisation weightwatchers forces me into and I'm hoping I can be a sexy size 14/16 by Christmas! At the moment I'm a size 17 - 16 is too small, 18 is baggy...nightmare.
Its nice and comforting to see some old friendly faces still about.
Hope others are faring better than me!
I will update soon!
Catherine xx
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
And I'm feeling good!
So according to my scales I'm now 56lbs down. I feel bloody fantastic, like a new woman. Went to a wedding at the weekend and took a photo of myself in the mirror. I keep looking at it not quite believing that its me!
But it is! New man, I feel like a new woman. whats made me most proud is that I've lost 10lb in the few weeks that I've been away from WW meetings, I'm going to go back to prevent things from slipping but for me it just proves that my eating habits really have changed and I can do it with or without!. Woop!
Hope everyone else is doing well :)
Cat xx
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