Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Not all plain sailing

Christ on a bike it's been a pretty up and down couple of months since my last post.  I have been stressed to the absolute max with work.  They've merged the services from 5 into 3 and made the services 'ageless' which basically means they've thrown 3 teams together without any kind of plan and expected us all to just get on with it.  It's been an absolute nightmare and I've shed a lot of tears.  I swear its taken years off my life already and its not getting any better.

Whilst work is awful home has been crap too.  I've moved out of my flat meaning putting all my lovely things in storage and whilst waiting to move have been living in Anthony's one bed flat.  I absolutely hate it, its a square box with no personality and nowhere to go.  Sat in the bedroom you can hear exactly what's on TV, there's washing everywhere and nothing has a place.  It's been a complete strain and the whole situation  has brought me right down.  I miss feeling like I belong somewhere.

In weight-loss news I am now overweight, I have faffed around a bit but finally reached 'overweight' a few weeks ago.  An emotional moment!  I am now just a couple of stone away from being 'normal' but I am terrified.  Because of being so obese my skin had to stretch and now I've slimmed right down I am getting a bit of loose skin.  Running made the weight fall off me and I was going to continue with the running but have decided I need to concentrate on toning.  I feel a bit cheated to be honest and have been quite emotional these last couple of weeks its obviously a combination of things but I can't help feeling pissed off.  I decided to lose weight at 24 so that I could really enjoy my 20s, I wanted to do it while I was still young so that my body would have the best chance to adjust and cope with the change.  I've done it slowly and sensibly with exercise along the way.  Now I'm in a bit of a pickle....do I continue with weight loss?  Or do I just try to maintain and tone for now?  Eugh, when I was big I used to be self-conscious, now I'm just as bad if not worse, just about different things.  When I was big I did care what I looked like but at the same time I felt it didn't matter so much as I was obviously massive and there was no hiding it.  Now I feel like I'm neither big nor slim, I don't know what clothes to wear or even what to do with my hair.  I have a body I don't quite like but don't really recognise, it all feels a bit alien.  I need Gok!