Sunday, 27 June 2010

All change!

So I'm single now, and I must say so far I'm liking it. I've signed for a little flat in Leeds. Its just a studio flat, the living and bedroom are together but it'll do for me! I'm actually quite looking forward to only having to cook for myself. If I only want cheap pasta and sauce I wont have anyone else moaning that its boring or anything. I have to say though, I'm now getting pretty scared that I've become too dependent on living with someone but time shall tell! I'm moving out the week after next and I've got such mixed feeling about it. Me and Mike are getting on loads better now we're not together as its like a weight has been lifted and I dont feel the pressure anymore to be happy.

I'm not interested in getting with anyone at the moment, though I have to say a little attention and a cheeky snog would be nice lol. I think the worst thing for me right now would be to get straight into another relationship. I think its going to be good for me to be single for a while.

Things WW wise aren't good, but we shall see tomorrow what the damage is. I put on 1lb last week after my little binge, but then it was time of the month. This week I haven't been particularly good or bad and I've done the 5K race for life today so we shall see. Hoping to lost the 1lb I put on last week at least. I need to get back in the zone! Going to properly point this week , even if I go over!

Hope everyone else is doing well!

Friday, 18 June 2010

Off the wagon

I think this serves me right for being annoyingly preachy about how weightwatchers has changed my habits and that I wouldn't be able to pig out anymore the way I used to. I lost 3lb at weigh-in on Monday and the ex suggested getting a dominos which I felt I deserved. Only trouble was he had a voucher which meant he had to spend a certain amount. So of course that then involved ordering starters/sides. I didn't point or restrict myself, then had leftover pizza with salad for lunch the next day. I think somehow in my silly little brain I thought if I had salad with it that would make it OK, but no, I still ate 3 slices as well as the salad with dressing...feel a bit sick thinking about it now!

I then had a binge on Tuesday night while I was home alone. I was looking for flats in Leeds as I've decided I'm moving there since I now have to live alone. Thinking about that and the stress of not having enough money to move made me just want to eat. The only saving grace is that I binged on low point things, like WW biscuits and pink & whites. I don't even like pink & whites that much! But then thats classic me, shovelling anything in.

Yesterday was a little better. I didn't go over points (I'm now on a 25 point allowance) but not much of what I ate was any good for me. Only had 2 of my 5 a day. Today is my start again day. I'm not cutting back on points because I think I'd be setting myself up to fail that way, I'm just going to plod along til Monday and hope for a STS, I think that would be an achievement.

The ex and I are still living in the same house, which is fine at the moment. My mum is the main issue, she's really really upset that we've broken up and can't understand it. I think she thinks that we've had a fight and fallen out but its nothing like that. If that was the case we might be able to patch it up but once someone's feelings change I don't think thats something that can be fixed. She sees us getting on and thinks 'well, why cant they stay together' Truth is though I haven't been happy since September/October last year, which incidentally is when I started my job as a qualified OT. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I guess there's not a lot of point speculating though. Mum now phones and says 'so how's Mike, how are you getting on?' and when I say 'fine yeah' she says things like 'oh you're sounding much brighter now' The reason I feel brighter is because it is over and we've both admitted it. In truth it feels like a massiv weight has been lifted. I no longer have to pretend to be happy with him and desperately try to make it work.

Anyway I've babbled, I should go and do something useful with my day off!

Cat xx

Thursday, 10 June 2010

Cheer me up

Wish I could've got the angles the same but ho hum...just took this pic to make myself feel better on a really rubbish week, I'm liking the change in shape. Apart from the shrinking tits but I guess its a small price to pay! Things in break-up land are utterly rubbish but I'm trying to keep my chin up. Just managed to stop myself from having a big binge tonight which I'm glad of. I'm trying to bear in mind that if I'm going to be single I may as well be gorgeous! lol And also if I feel crap anyway why make myself feel worse by binging then feeling guilty and disgusting. I just hope I can keep this up :)

Sunday, 6 June 2010

Slimming single

Oh dear.

I am now officially single. The boyfriend and I broke up on friday night after having been to a BBQ at his parents house. Noone knows yet, I dont know how to tell my family and I know he's not told his either. The tenancy on our house runs out in 2 months so we're going to have to live together til then, the rent and bills are too high for either of us to manage on our own. I have no clue what I'm going to do. I haven't been single for 5 years since I was 19 and although it doesn't feel real yet it still feels weird. Really weird.

Things had been rubbish for ages. I had stopped loving him ages ago, I really wanted it to come back but had no idea why it had gone and therefore what to do about it. How can feelings just change like turning a light-switch off? I'm still very confused. He initiated it. He said he's started to resent me as me not being happy with him is obvious. He's been drinking more recently and is obviously stressed out. I feel so bad that I wasn't brave enough to do anything about it sooner, and so have made him more sad than needed. I should have had the guts.

I dont know what happens now, I've never had a complicated break-up. Splitting things is going to be an absolute nightmare!- I own the mattress, he owns the bed, I own the fridge-freezer, he owns the TV, Wii, PS3, CD player etc. I'm also supposed to be going to America in August with him and the brass band he plays in, his family are also going. He's going to ask whether my place can be cancelled, but if not he's going to have to decide whether he can cope with me being there but not being a couple. At the moment it all seems a bit big for my little head to cope with and I keep getting tearful thinking about it.

Anyway, this blog is meant to be about weight-watching, I'm predicting a little gain tomorrow. Haven't been tracking and have gone a little mad since the break-up. Pub garden yesterday with him and his friend, then a pizzahut for tea. Eugh!