Naughty Weightwatcher!

I have been a truly terrible weightwatcher recently and have only lost 9lbs since July. Weighed myself at Boots on Saturday and am 15st 9lbs I'm waiting until next wednesday then joining a meeting in my new home - Leeds! I've been so terrible with my binging recently I've found myself eating things I dont even particularly like just because its there and I feel like eating.

I've been so chaotic with my food I'm actually looking forward to the structure and organisation weightwatchers forces me into and I'm hoping I can be a sexy size 14/16 by Christmas! At the moment I'm a size 17 - 16 is too small, 18 is baggy...nightmare.

Its nice and comforting to see some old friendly faces still about.

Hope others are faring better than me!

I will update soon!

Catherine xx

And I'm feeling good!

So according to my scales I'm now 56lbs down. I feel bloody fantastic, like a new woman. Went to a wedding at the weekend and took a photo of myself in the mirror. I keep looking at it not quite believing that its me!

But it is! New man, I feel like a new woman. whats made me most proud is that I've lost 10lb in the few weeks that I've been away from WW meetings, I'm going to go back to prevent things from slipping but for me it just proves that my eating habits really have changed and I can do it with or without!. Woop!

Hope everyone else is doing well :)

Cat xx

Stoooories!

WELL! Where the heckers to start!

I moved into my lovely little new flat and am now feeling pretty at home and settled. I've been there two weeks, theres so much I want to buy for it, I just want to nest! I also joined a free dating website as the chances of me meeting anyone the normal way are pretty slim and I thought it'd be a laugh if nothing else. Its true all the attention from guys has been a real boost, especially as I put a full length photo up and made it clear I'm a size 18 (officially no size 20 item fits anymore! woop!). Since joining up my inbox has just been on fire...now I've had a few weirdos and a few messages that have just said "Hi" or "Hi babe, you're cute, wanna chat?" now what the flip is that about...as if thats the start of a beautiful relationship!

So this guy sent me a message and he looked really cute, sounded really intelligent and interesting in his profile and had sent me a very much personalised and well thought-through message. He instantly caught my eye. We clicked straight away and soon swopped numbers. I dread to think how many texts we've sent back and forth but I've gone over my limit for the first time ever on my phone contract haha. Last night was our first date, we met at 6 in a pub local to both of us and after drinks, a bus ride into town, food and LOTS of kissing it was 2am and we had to face the fact that we needed to get home. Every little bit of me wanted to invite him back to mine but my head said no. I'm not long out of a relationship and this wasn't meant to happen, eek! I'm seeing him again on Wednesday for a cinema date...watch this space! I think I'm a smitten kitten already though....oh dear!

In WW news, I cant get to meetings until at least this week due to funds or lack of so I've no idea whats going on. The scales at work are innacurate in that you have to add on about 7lb but they suggest a loss so I'm happy with that. The first week in the flat was time of the month and I comfort ate a bit (a lot) due to feeling shit scared of being alone and the usual time of the month chocolate cravings but I'm back on track now. Onwards and downwards. Also now I'm dating I've a new excuse to get super sexy! I already feel pretty damn hot after last night though!

Hello New Chapter!

So people who've been reading will know I've recently got out of a long term relationship. The Big Move is tomorrow and Wednesday and I'm so excited! I've got myself a little studio flat in a popular area of Leeds and I'm full of mixed emotions about it really. I'm scared of getting lonely, but then I know I have friends at work. Since the weight loss and break-up my self confidence has just soared, its very strange. I feel like me again! I dont think so negatively about myself. I think when I was bigger I thought I had to be really interesting all the time and that people couldn't possibly want to talk to me but I feel much more relaxed in myself now. All very weird!

People at work are talking about me and the new male OT, he's yum and fun to flirt with but thats all it is at the moment. Still its nice being able to have a good old flirt, I'd forgotten what that was like! Saturday night was my first night out as a single girl and it was so much fun! Me and him were joking about faking a relationship to get people at work talking at work, it was a very alcohol fueled conversation haha.

I've spent the last couple of days packing things away and am picking up the keys tomorrow for the new flat. I can't wait to see it again, I just hope I'm not disappointed! Hopefully this is the start of an actual social life too as I've already got people pestering me to have a flat warming and one of the girls at work wants to go to the gym together. The times they are a changing! I also lost 2lb this week despite my alcohol binge on Sat night. Its all good! 4lb off 50lb!

All change!

So I'm single now, and I must say so far I'm liking it. I've signed for a little flat in Leeds. Its just a studio flat, the living and bedroom are together but it'll do for me! I'm actually quite looking forward to only having to cook for myself. If I only want cheap pasta and sauce I wont have anyone else moaning that its boring or anything. I have to say though, I'm now getting pretty scared that I've become too dependent on living with someone but time shall tell! I'm moving out the week after next and I've got such mixed feeling about it. Me and Mike are getting on loads better now we're not together as its like a weight has been lifted and I dont feel the pressure anymore to be happy.

I'm not interested in getting with anyone at the moment, though I have to say a little attention and a cheeky snog would be nice lol. I think the worst thing for me right now would be to get straight into another relationship. I think its going to be good for me to be single for a while.

Things WW wise aren't good, but we shall see tomorrow what the damage is. I put on 1lb last week after my little binge, but then it was time of the month. This week I haven't been particularly good or bad and I've done the 5K race for life today so we shall see. Hoping to lost the 1lb I put on last week at least. I need to get back in the zone! Going to properly point this week , even if I go over!

Hope everyone else is doing well!
xx

Off the wagon

I think this serves me right for being annoyingly preachy about how weightwatchers has changed my habits and that I wouldn't be able to pig out anymore the way I used to. I lost 3lb at weigh-in on Monday and the ex suggested getting a dominos which I felt I deserved. Only trouble was he had a voucher which meant he had to spend a certain amount. So of course that then involved ordering starters/sides. I didn't point or restrict myself, then had leftover pizza with salad for lunch the next day. I think somehow in my silly little brain I thought if I had salad with it that would make it OK, but no, I still ate 3 slices as well as the salad with dressing...feel a bit sick thinking about it now!

I then had a binge on Tuesday night while I was home alone. I was looking for flats in Leeds as I've decided I'm moving there since I now have to live alone. Thinking about that and the stress of not having enough money to move made me just want to eat. The only saving grace is that I binged on low point things, like WW biscuits and pink & whites. I don't even like pink & whites that much! But then thats classic me, shovelling anything in.

Yesterday was a little better. I didn't go over points (I'm now on a 25 point allowance) but not much of what I ate was any good for me. Only had 2 of my 5 a day. Today is my start again day. I'm not cutting back on points because I think I'd be setting myself up to fail that way, I'm just going to plod along til Monday and hope for a STS, I think that would be an achievement.

The ex and I are still living in the same house, which is fine at the moment. My mum is the main issue, she's really really upset that we've broken up and can't understand it. I think she thinks that we've had a fight and fallen out but its nothing like that. If that was the case we might be able to patch it up but once someone's feelings change I don't think thats something that can be fixed. She sees us getting on and thinks 'well, why cant they stay together' Truth is though I haven't been happy since September/October last year, which incidentally is when I started my job as a qualified OT. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I guess there's not a lot of point speculating though. Mum now phones and says 'so how's Mike, how are you getting on?' and when I say 'fine yeah' she says things like 'oh you're sounding much brighter now' The reason I feel brighter is because it is over and we've both admitted it. In truth it feels like a massiv weight has been lifted. I no longer have to pretend to be happy with him and desperately try to make it work.

Anyway I've babbled, I should go and do something useful with my day off!

Cat xx

Cheer me up

Wish I could've got the angles the same but ho hum...just took this pic to make myself feel better on a really rubbish week, I'm liking the change in shape. Apart from the shrinking tits but I guess its a small price to pay! Things in break-up land are utterly rubbish but I'm trying to keep my chin up. Just managed to stop myself from having a big binge tonight which I'm glad of. I'm trying to bear in mind that if I'm going to be single I may as well be gorgeous! lol And also if I feel crap anyway why make myself feel worse by binging then feeling guilty and disgusting. I just hope I can keep this up :)

Slimming single

Oh dear.

I am now officially single. The boyfriend and I broke up on friday night after having been to a BBQ at his parents house. Noone knows yet, I dont know how to tell my family and I know he's not told his either. The tenancy on our house runs out in 2 months so we're going to have to live together til then, the rent and bills are too high for either of us to manage on our own. I have no clue what I'm going to do. I haven't been single for 5 years since I was 19 and although it doesn't feel real yet it still feels weird. Really weird.

Things had been rubbish for ages. I had stopped loving him ages ago, I really wanted it to come back but had no idea why it had gone and therefore what to do about it. How can feelings just change like turning a light-switch off? I'm still very confused. He initiated it. He said he's started to resent me as me not being happy with him is obvious. He's been drinking more recently and is obviously stressed out. I feel so bad that I wasn't brave enough to do anything about it sooner, and so have made him more sad than needed. I should have had the guts.

I dont know what happens now, I've never had a complicated break-up. Splitting things is going to be an absolute nightmare!- I own the mattress, he owns the bed, I own the fridge-freezer, he owns the TV, Wii, PS3, CD player etc. I'm also supposed to be going to America in August with him and the brass band he plays in, his family are also going. He's going to ask whether my place can be cancelled, but if not he's going to have to decide whether he can cope with me being there but not being a couple. At the moment it all seems a bit big for my little head to cope with and I keep getting tearful thinking about it.

Anyway, this blog is meant to be about weight-watching, I'm predicting a little gain tomorrow. Haven't been tracking and have gone a little mad since the break-up. Pub garden yesterday with him and his friend, then a pizzahut for tea. Eugh!

Quickie!

Just a quickie (oo-er) I lost 3lb this week, totally made up after my little gain last week. Had a little bit of a treat day and gone 2 over, so worth it though! Goal for this week is 2lb :)

Hopeful!

So after my 0.5lb gain I've really tried to track a lot better this week but I feel that I'm eating too much. I've felt like that all the way through my few months on weightwatchers so its nothing new. I was hoping for a 3lb loss at weigh in tomorrow and I'm still hoping for that, but not as confident now. I've noticed I'm only nervous about weigh in when I think I might have done alright. If I know I've been naughty then I know I'm not going to have a good result at the scales so theres nothing to be nervous about.

As a little test I tried on the last pair of size 20 jeans I own, and the smallest pair I had. In March they didn't go further than my knees, a week or two ago they went on but I couldn't do them up. Last night I tried them on and they went on, buttoned and zipped up. So bloody chuffed with myself! So lets hope its a sign of a good result tomorrow!

Got another call from CID this week. They've had two girls in custody as I think I said in my last post and released them on bail til the end of JUne. They were meant to go back to the police station to get photos taken. I should be getting a call from a seperate service that deals with the identification. I have to watch a DVD with images of lots of different girls on it and pick out the ones who did it. Don't know why I'm so nervous. The same night I got the call from CID this week the officer who took my statement gave me a ring to make sure I'm OK and to make sure I understand the process. The police get a pretty bad press but I've been so impressed by it all. I thanked her for her patience on the night she took my statement as I was pretty upset but she just brushed it off saying it was part of her job.

Fifth silver seven tomorrow *crosses fingers* I'll back here to report either way.

A Shaky Week

This week is the first week I've gained any since starting at the beginning of March. I had a 0.5lb gain which really I'm not too bothered about. I know I'll be back on track this week and heading for a reasonable loss. I got a bit complacent (i.e. lazy) and haven't been tracking properly. I also had a full on chinese takeaway the night before weigh in. Note to self: Never a good idea! Hoping for a 3lb loss this week, I'll reach my 5th silver seven then.

In other news I got a call tonight from CID. They've had 2 girls in custody today who they think might be the girls that mugged me two weeks ago so I've got to arrange to go and identify them from images. For some reason I'm really scared. What if I don't recognise them? It was dark and I've tried not to think about it since it happened, I was shaking when I got the phone call tonight. Eek!

Loving work at the moment which I know is in no way cool to admit, but I'm not ashamed. I'm one of those really irritating people who enjoys going to work. I never thought that'd happen! I know this sounds cheesy but I really really like my colleagues, all of them. I think thats even more important to me than most as I moved away from home for the job and don't know anyone outside of who I meet at work. Happy days. A few of us are talking about taking up salsa or zumba, or any kind of fun fitness type thing. Exciting!

I'm famished tonight, going down to 26 points isn't agreeing with me. God knows how I'm gonna cope when its like 19/20. Dear oh dear! Guess I'll have to be a bit more creative. I've also decided I REALLY want to be in the WW magazine. How cool would that be?!

Will hopefully post later in the week, I've been a bit crap recently!

Got my 10% stolen :(

So I lost 1lb this week after my weekend of total excess in the form of enough alcohol to sink a battleship which I was pretty damn pleased about! I helped clerk in at the meeting this week so didnt get to sit in the meeting but Kathryn, the new leader got me up anyway which was embarassing but also a proud moment! I've now hit the 2 stone mark and the compliments from colleagues are really making me smile! The best thing is that I can tell now and it feels amazing!

In not so nice news I got mugged last night by two teenage girls. I worked a late shift and have to walk a mile from the trainstation to get home. They followed me for nearly the whole mile, saying random things to me. I felt really vulnerable but just thought they were being silly girls and were going to just call me names or something, because when you're my weight it doesn't seem to be that uncommon. Looking back I really wish I'd gone into one of the takeaways on the way up the hill and told someone, they could have walked the rest of the way with me or something. I'd just got to the top of the hill, about 1-2 mins from home when they got me, told me to hand over everything I had and each held a knife near my throat. I just let them take my bag because it wasn't worth it.

I ran home and Mike rang the police, they were with me in about 2 minutes, took me back to re-trace where I'd walked and got me to describe everything that I'd noticed or that had happened. They're taking it really seriously and are investigating it. I have a lady assigned to the case who I can get in touch with anytime. Someone called today saying my bag had been handed in this morning, a lady found it discarded with everything in it except my purse. There was no cash in my purse which makes me feel better and I cancelled my cards straight away so they basically did it all for nothing. I'm pretty shaken and have been tearful on and off all day but I went into work and it has helped me cope. The lady from CID also wants to put an appeal for information in the local paper. I'm really impressed so far at how seriously they're taking it and it does make me feel reassured. I'm just thinking now about whether I should access some form of counselling, because of the job I do I could access it through work. I guess its something I need to have a think about.

In WW news, I haven't tracked today but I haven't overeaten at all, I'll be back on it tomorrow I just can't face counting and weighing everything after 2 hours sleep, eugh.

Hopefully I'll have nicer news soon!

xxx

Oh, my 10% keyring was in the bag...how very dare they, I only got it on Monday!

Fat Photos

Thought I'd upload some fat photos to motivate myself. These are from my holiday to Turkey last October. At the time I didn't feel that bad but looking back, my weight was creeping and creeping up. I'll get someone to take new photos of me in a few weeks to compare and contrast. Or maybe some photos from my nights out this month. Losing weight is so exciting. Who knew!? xx

1lb to go

So...I lost 4.5lbs last week somehow. I thought I might have a STS because I didn't eat very good things last week although I did always stay within points. So I was over the moon with that, 1lb to go and I'll have hit my 10% and lost 2stone. EEK! The only weeny little thing standing in my way is 2 ngihts out this weekend. One is a leaving do for one of the girls at work, the other is a hen party for a girl I used to work with. I've been saving a few points each day in preparation so fingers crossed I can lose that weeny little pound at least and get that keyring!

Things aren't good with the boyfriend. I just don't fancy him at the moment, I feel like we're more like siblings than a couple and I hate it. He confronted me on Monday and asked me to just tell him whether I want to be with him anymore. Truth is I have no idea what I want. We used to be so good together and I don't really understand why we're not anymore. He's getting more and more insecure that I'm losing weight so he's decided he's joining me at WW this week as he's overweight himself. I suppose it'll be nice to do something together and may end up improving things overall :) Positive mental attitude!

I'm in a bit of a difficult place clothes-wise at the moment. Things that didn't fit before are now not only fitting, but starting to feel a little baggy which makes me feel rubbish in them. I like my shape and so like clothes to show off my boobs, waist and curvy hips. At the moment I feel like a sack of spuds in my old clothes! I also have no money to spend. 4 nights out this month is very very very unusual for me and I'm sure its going to cost me an absolute fortune. Hopfully I'll lose lbs as well as ££s!

Two new addictions

Ok so pre weightwatchers I was addicted to food in general. I love the stuff and I always will, I was thinking about it tonight, as an Occupational Therapist I'm always banging on about 'meaningful occupation' now...I may not have many hobbies but I do love food, its meaningful to me. Some people eat for fuel, I eat because I love it. I'm really enjoying sticking to rules, it means I can't kid myself that 5 packets of crisps one after the other is alright because tomorrow I'll be extra good. Sometimes I can't believe how easy it is, but I really don't want to get too cocky! I think one thing that helps me is the fact that I know theres people who don't think I'll manage to reach goal weight. I'm a stubborn cow so I will prove them wrong. If someone tells me I can't do something I will do everything I can to prove I can. I do like that about me!

The past couple of days I've been trying to save points for some wine at weekend but once home and with points to spare I haven't managed to save any and have instead had low point snacks each evening and used them up. Don't know if its because its time of the month but I'll choose to use that excuse for now. The only good thing is that I have a Just Dance addiction. Did 14 songs this morning and put my all into it. I've twinged something in my neck, spilled a drink and kicked the corner of the coffee table (ow...don't recommend trying it) but I'm not put off. No pain no gain!

Tomorrow is meant to be another nice day and after a run of 7 days at work I am going to make the most of that sunshine! I'm now in all but one of my size 20 jeans, tomorrow I'm going to try on last summer's shorts and cropped jeans some of which didn't fit last year. Exciting! God I'm easily pleased! Now...wheres that Wii remote??

Oh, and my second addiction? Beetroot! Random.

Body confidence

Is it just me? Or does body confidence differ from day to day? I wore exactly the same yesterday as I did today (apart from the underwear) and both days felt totally different. I dont really understand! What I have noticed though is that yesterday I was so good food wise! Today I haven't been able to stop picking. Maybe the 2 things are interlinked. I never thought I was an emotional eater really, though I do eat when bored and always have done. I just thought I was a greedy piggy who didn't know when to stop. On reflection, maybe I am. Luckily I've managed to stay within points and have done 10 songs on Just Dance but still...I feel rubbish. Things relationship-wise are rubbish and have been for a long time. I just don't know what to do for the best. I'm hoping things will sort themselves out but it doesn't look like thats going to happen. But anyway I'm rambling!

I'm going to enjoy my tea and have 2 party rings for pud (1 point!) and housework should make me feel better, cleanses the soul as well as the house when you're in the right frame of mind. Also I hear housework can be a pretty good workout so I might shove some cheese on the soundsystem and have a boogie round the living room. Curtains closed of course!

Shocked and amazed!

Wow! So I set up this blog purposefully at a time when I felt my motivation was waning and I wasn't doing too well at all. I Weigh in on a Monday and so missed last week due to it being Easter Monday. I did great over easter, had a KFC within points, had creme eggs within points and really really missed the fact I didn't have a weigh in. After that it sort of went to pot, I went out with some old work colleagues with good intentions and started off on gin and slimline tonic however then I had gammon at the pub (16.5 points - how?!) and it descended into 2-4-1 cocktails. I think the only saving grace is that I've had 2 days of training - an update to my 'Management of violence and aggression' which is basically learning how to restrain people on a mental health ward. It was basically 2 days of rolling around on mats so that must have racked me up numerous activity points which I didn't factor in.

I've also discovered 'Just Dance' for the wii and am loving it. A good weigh in was just what I needed, I've bought a weekly meal planner and and am going to plan plan plan, track track track for another fab loss next week! Its weird how a loss can make you feel...I wore a tunic top/dress and leggings to WI tonight and on the way felt really flabby. Knowing I've lost 1.5 stones now meant I walked home feeling like a different woman. The human brain is amazing!

xx

First post

I always thought blogs were really self indulgent, but I've given in. If its self indulgent, shoot me! This isn't 'look at me' this is for me. I really think blogging my weight loss journey will help me to stay on track and as my motivation is starting to wane just over a month in I think theres no better time to start. My life is by no means interesting so at the moment I'm unsure how I'm going to fill it. Here goes nothing!