Friday, 18 June 2010

Off the wagon

I think this serves me right for being annoyingly preachy about how weightwatchers has changed my habits and that I wouldn't be able to pig out anymore the way I used to. I lost 3lb at weigh-in on Monday and the ex suggested getting a dominos which I felt I deserved. Only trouble was he had a voucher which meant he had to spend a certain amount. So of course that then involved ordering starters/sides. I didn't point or restrict myself, then had leftover pizza with salad for lunch the next day. I think somehow in my silly little brain I thought if I had salad with it that would make it OK, but no, I still ate 3 slices as well as the salad with dressing...feel a bit sick thinking about it now!

I then had a binge on Tuesday night while I was home alone. I was looking for flats in Leeds as I've decided I'm moving there since I now have to live alone. Thinking about that and the stress of not having enough money to move made me just want to eat. The only saving grace is that I binged on low point things, like WW biscuits and pink & whites. I don't even like pink & whites that much! But then thats classic me, shovelling anything in.

Yesterday was a little better. I didn't go over points (I'm now on a 25 point allowance) but not much of what I ate was any good for me. Only had 2 of my 5 a day. Today is my start again day. I'm not cutting back on points because I think I'd be setting myself up to fail that way, I'm just going to plod along til Monday and hope for a STS, I think that would be an achievement.

The ex and I are still living in the same house, which is fine at the moment. My mum is the main issue, she's really really upset that we've broken up and can't understand it. I think she thinks that we've had a fight and fallen out but its nothing like that. If that was the case we might be able to patch it up but once someone's feelings change I don't think thats something that can be fixed. She sees us getting on and thinks 'well, why cant they stay together' Truth is though I haven't been happy since September/October last year, which incidentally is when I started my job as a qualified OT. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I guess there's not a lot of point speculating though. Mum now phones and says 'so how's Mike, how are you getting on?' and when I say 'fine yeah' she says things like 'oh you're sounding much brighter now' The reason I feel brighter is because it is over and we've both admitted it. In truth it feels like a massiv weight has been lifted. I no longer have to pretend to be happy with him and desperately try to make it work.

Anyway I've babbled, I should go and do something useful with my day off!

Cat xx


  1. Hey babe, how did you go on Monday? Was it OK?

  2. I went this monday and put on 1lb, I feel a bit stuck, my willpower isn't half as high as it was but I'm not giving in!